Pretending You're Fine is Exhausting: Anxiety Therapy in Monterey County

Anxiety has a way of making itself at home in your life. Maybe it started small, just occasional worry or nervousness before big events. But somewhere along the way, it became background noise you can't turn off. Now you're lying awake replaying a conversation from three days ago, analyzing every word you said and wondering what they really meant. Or you're refreshing your inbox obsessively, checking to see if someone responded, trying to decode their tone from punctuation choices. You walk into a room and immediately scan for exits, not because you're planning to leave, but because knowing you could makes you feel slightly less trapped.

Therapy for anxiety is about understanding what's actually happening beneath the surface and learning new ways to respond when your nervous system is convinced there's danger everywhere. And yes, it actually works. If you're in Monterey County or anywhere in California, help is available, whether you want to meet in person in Carmel or connect online.

Let me walk you through what anxiety therapy actually looks like and how it helps.

How Do You Know If You Need Anxiety Therapy?

People ask me this all the time, and usually they're already pretty sure they need help but they're waiting for permission. So if you're reading this wondering if your anxiety is "bad enough," I'm going to guess it probably is.

Anxiety doesn't always look like panic attacks or obvious avoidance. Sometimes it's quieter than that. It's the way you rehearse conversations days before they happen, scripting out every possible response so you won't be caught off guard. It's staying up until 2am researching symptoms or googling questions you already know the answer to, just to make absolutely sure. It's saying yes when you mean no because the thought of disappointing someone feels unbearable.

You might be someone who keeps the peace at all costs, reading the room constantly, adjusting yourself to match what you think other people need. You apologize for things that aren't your fault. You overthink text messages, analyzing response times and punctuation, convinced that a period instead of an exclamation point means they're upset with you. You need reassurance, but when someone gives it to you, it only helps for about twenty minutes before the doubt creeps back in.

Or maybe your anxiety shows up as control. You plan everything, triple check details, try to account for every possible thing that could go wrong. Not because you're Type A or organized, but because uncertainty feels dangerous. You try to manage how other people feel about you, performing the version of yourself you think they want to see. You monitor their mood, their tone, their energy, trying to stay one step ahead of rejection or disappointment.

Sometimes anxiety is analysis paralysis. You can't make a decision because you're terrified of making the wrong one. So you stay frozen, researching every option, making pro and con lists that never actually help. You miss opportunities because by the time you've convinced yourself it's safe to try, the window has closed.

And then there's the way anxiety lives in your body. The tension you carry in your jaw, your shoulders, your stomach. The headaches that won't quit. The exhaustion that doesn't match how much sleep you got. You might not even connect these things to anxiety at first. They just feel like your normal.

If any of this sounds familiar, if you're nodding along thinking "wait, how does she know," that's how you know therapy might help. You don't need to be in crisis. You don't need to hit some threshold of suffering. If anxiety is shaping your choices, your relationships, or your sense of self, that's enough.

What Actually Happens in Your First Anxiety Therapy Session?

If you've never been to therapy before, you're probably already anxious about being anxious in therapy. You might be rehearsing what you'll say, worried you won't explain it right or that your problems will sound stupid once you say them out loud. You might be wondering if you'll cry, and if you do, whether that's embarrassing or expected.

The first session is mostly about getting to know each other. I'll ask what's bringing you in, but I'm not looking for a perfect explanation. You don't need to have your whole history organized into a coherent narrative. Most people start with "I don't even know where to begin," and that's fine. We'll figure it out together.

I'll ask about what you're struggling with right now. What does anxiety look like in your day to day life? What have you already tried? What do you want to be different? If anxiety wasn't calling the shots, what would you be doing that you're not doing now?

This isn't a test you can fail. You're not being graded on how well you describe your anxiety or how interesting your struggles are. I'm not sitting there psychoanalyzing everything you say, diagnosing you in my head, or judging whether you're "really" anxious enough. We're just talking.

The first session might feel awkward because you're opening up to someone new, and vulnerability is uncomfortable even when it's safe. Some people leave feeling lighter, like they've finally been able to name what's been happening. Others feel exposed or tired from saying things out loud for the first time. Both reactions make sense.

The goal isn't to solve everything in fifty minutes. It's to start building trust and to figure out how we'll work together. Therapy is a process, and the first session is just the beginning.

How Does Anxiety Therapy Actually Help?

Therapy isn't magic, but research does back it up. Studies show that about 75 to 85 percent of people who go through therapy for anxiety see real improvement. That doesn't mean anxiety disappears. Some anxiety is part of being human. But it does mean you get to a place where anxiety isn't making all your decisions for you.

So what actually shifts?

You start to see the patterns you couldn't see before. Anxiety has a logic to it, even when it feels chaotic. Maybe you realize that every time you're waiting for someone to text back, you spiral into "they hate me, I said something wrong, this relationship is over." Or you notice that you avoid conflict because somewhere along the way you learned that your feelings cause problems for other people. In therapy, we slow things down enough to see what's really happening. What sets off the anxiety? What story does your brain tell you? And how do you usually respond?

Once you see the pattern, you can start to change your relationship with it. That's where therapy becomes powerful. Instead of trying to control the anxiety or white knuckle your way through it, you learn to respond differently. You practice tolerating uncertainty instead of needing guarantees. You learn to sit with discomfort without immediately trying to fix it or escape it. You stop abandoning yourself to keep other people comfortable.

These aren't just ideas we talk about. You're trying things out in real life and bringing those experiences back to therapy. You're learning that you can handle things you thought you couldn't. You're discovering that the worst case scenario you've been bracing for rarely happens, and even when it does, you survive it.

The relationship matters too. Research consistently shows that the connection between you and your therapist is one of the strongest predictors of whether therapy works. It's not just about techniques. It's about having someone who sees your strength, believes you're capable, and won't let you shrink yourself to make everyone else comfortable. Someone who gets that your anxiety makes sense given what you've been through, and who also knows you're capable of something different.

Anxiety therapy gives you tools, yes. But it also gives you understanding. It helps you see that the way you've been coping makes sense given what you've been through, and it opens up new possibilities for how you can respond going forward.

You can read more about how therapy helps with anxiety and depression on my site.

What Can You Expect As You Continue Therapy?

Therapy doesn't follow a neat timeline. Some weeks you'll have moments where things click. Maybe you'll catch yourself in an old pattern and choose something different, and it'll actually work. Or you'll finally understand why you keep ending up in the same situation with different people, and that clarity feels like relief.

Other weeks nothing dramatic happens. You show up, you talk, you leave. It can feel like you're not making progress, like maybe this isn't working. But those weeks matter too. Change doesn't happen in a straight line, and sometimes the quiet weeks are where things are settling in.

One thing that surprises people is that therapy involves homework, though not in a stressful way. Between sessions, you're practicing. Maybe that means noticing when you're about to say yes when you mean no, and pausing long enough to feel the discomfort of setting a boundary. Maybe it's catching yourself catastrophizing and asking "okay, but what else could be true?" You're taking what we talk about and trying it out in your actual life, then bringing those experiences back.

Most people start to notice shifts within the first few months. The anxiety is still there, but it's not as loud. You're sleeping better, or you're able to have a hard conversation without replaying it for three days afterward. Maybe you're not checking your phone every five minutes, or you're making decisions without needing to research every possible outcome first.

But everyone's timeline is different. Some people move quickly. Others need more time, especially if the anxiety has been there for years or if it's tangled up with old wounds. That's okay. We work at your pace. Therapy isn't about rushing through vulnerability or checking boxes. It's about building something that actually lasts.

Does Anxiety Therapy Work If You've Struggled For Years?

Yes. And I mean that.

Maybe anxiety has been with you for as long as you can remember. Maybe you grew up in a family where you learned early to monitor everyone's mood, to make yourself small when things felt tense, to be the easy one who didn't cause problems. Maybe you've been people pleasing or overthinking or bracing for disaster since you were a kid, and at this point it just feels like who you are.

Or maybe the anxiety showed up later, after something specific, and then never left. Now it's been years, and you've tried different things. Some helped for a while. Others didn't help at all. You might be coming to therapy feeling defeated, like you've done everything you're supposed to do and it's still here.

Here's what I've seen over and over: even if anxiety has been part of your story for years, therapy can help. It might take more time to shift patterns that have been there longer. That makes sense. But the goal isn't to erase your history or pretend it didn't shape you. The goal is to give you new tools and a different way of relating to anxiety so it doesn't run your life anymore.

Therapy isn't about going back and fixing everything that happened. It's about understanding how you learned to survive, acknowledging that those strategies made sense at the time, and then making space for new ways of being that serve you better now.

A lot of people tell me they wish they'd started sooner. I get that. But the timing matters less than the fact that you're considering it now. Starting today is better than waiting for some perfect moment that might never come.

Finding Anxiety Therapy in Monterey County

If you're looking for help with anxiety in Monterey County, you have options. I offer therapy in person in Carmel and online for anyone in California. I work with people who are dealing with anxiety in relationships, people who are exhausted from people pleasing and trying to control what other people think, and people who are tired of making every decision from a place of fear. A lot of my clients are college students and people in their twenties and thirties who are trying to figure out who they are when they're not performing for everyone else.

If you're not sure where to start, there are also local resources. Monterey County Behavioral Health provides mental health support and can connect you with services. Their ACCESS line at 1.888.258.6029 is available 24/7 for a confidential conversation about what you need.

NAMI Monterey County offers support groups and resources for people living with mental health challenges, including anxiety. Support groups can give you connection with others who get it, which can be a valuable addition to therapy.

When you're choosing a therapist, fit matters. You need someone who specializes in what you're dealing with and who you feel comfortable being honest with, even about the hard stuff. Therapy works best when you don't have to perform or manage your therapist's reactions. You should be able to show up as you are and know that's enough.

You Don't Have to Keep Living Like This

If you made it to the end of this post and you're still not sure whether you need therapy, let me ask you this: are you tired? Not just physically, but tired of monitoring everyone's reactions, tired of second guessing every choice, tired of feeling like you're always one step away from getting it wrong? That exhaustion is real, and it's a sign that something needs to shift.

Therapy gives you tools, but more than that, it gives you understanding. It helps you see that your anxiety makes sense. That the hypervigilance, the people pleasing, the need for control, all of it developed for a reason. And it shows you that there are other ways to move through the world that don't require you to be on high alert all the time.

Reaching out is often the hardest part. It feels vulnerable to admit you need support, especially if you've spent years convincing everyone around you that you're fine. But asking for help isn't weakness. It's one of the bravest things you can do.

Whether you're dealing with constant worry, people pleasing, analysis paralysis, or relationship anxiety, therapy can help. You deserve to feel better. You deserve a life where you're not always bracing for the worst.

If you're ready to start, or even if you're just curious about what therapy might look like for you, I'd be glad to talk. I work with people navigating anxiety, relationships, and the messy process of figuring out who you are underneath all the worry. You can learn more about how I work or reach out to schedule a free consultation. Let's figure this out together.