Surviving the Holidays: How to Get Through With Your Sanity Intact
Introduction
It's not even Thanksgiving yet and you're already exhausted just thinking about the holidays.
There's the travel. The family dynamics. The pressure to show up cheerful and grateful when you're already running on empty. The loaded conversations you're hoping to avoid. The old roles that somehow resurface the minute you walk through your childhood front door.
Maybe part of you is hopeful. You want it to go well. You're looking forward to certain moments, certain people. But there's also this knot in your stomach because you know how hard it can be.
If this resonates, you're not alone. The pressure of this season is real, and it's okay to admit that it's hard. In this post, we'll talk about why the holidays feel so overwhelming and, more importantly, what you can actually do to get through with your sanity intact.
Why the Holidays Feel So Hard
The holidays come with a unique cocktail of stressors that can leave even the most resilient people feeling drained.
The Pressure to Make It Perfect
There's this unspoken expectation that the holidays should be magical. Instagram-worthy. Full of warmth and joy and connection. When reality doesn't match that picture, it's easy to feel like you're failing.
You might feel pressure to buy the perfect gifts, cook the perfect meal, or be the perfect guest. The gap between expectation and reality can be exhausting.
Family Dynamics in Close Quarters
Spending concentrated time with family can be wonderful. It can also be complicated.
Old tensions resurface. Personalities clash. Someone makes a comment that lands wrong. You love these people, but that doesn't mean it's easy. According to research, 64 percent of people report the holidays worsen their mental health, often because of the stress that comes with family gatherings and social obligations.
When Going Home Feels Like Going Back in Time
Here's something that doesn't get talked about enough: going home for the holidays can feel like stepping into a time capsule.
Even though you're an adult with your own life, your own opinions, your own way of doing things, it's like you revert the second you walk in the door. Your family still sees you as the person you were at 16. Old roles and dynamics kick in automatically.
You might find yourself biting your tongue when you wouldn't do that in your everyday life. Or feeling small in ways you haven't felt in years. It's disorienting, and it's exhausting.
Give Yourself Permission to Do Holidays Differently
Here's something worth remembering: you get to decide what the holidays look like for you.
You Don't Have to Attend Everything
If your calendar is packed with obligations and you're already feeling stretched thin, it's okay to say no to some of them.
You don't have to attend every party, every gathering, every event. Saying no to something that will drain you isn't selfish. It's self-preservation.
It's Okay If It's Not Perfect
The holidays don't have to be flawless to be meaningful. The burnt cookies, the late arrival, the awkward moment at dinner. None of that means you failed.
Letting go of perfection can actually create space for more genuine connection. When you stop trying to control everything, you might find you can actually be present.
Your Version of the Holidays Is Valid
Maybe your version of the holidays looks different from what you see on social media or what your family expects. That's okay.
Maybe you celebrate quietly. Maybe you skip certain traditions. Maybe you create new ones that feel more authentic to who you are now. Your version of the holidays doesn't have to look like anyone else's.
Practical Strategies for Managing Holiday Stress
Okay, so how do you actually get through? Here are some concrete strategies.
Plan Ahead (And Build in Breaks)
If you know the holidays are going to be intense, plan for that. Build in time to recharge.
Maybe that means booking a hotel room instead of staying with family so you have a place to retreat. Maybe it's scheduling a walk by yourself each day. Maybe it's planning to leave a gathering earlier than you usually would.
Breaks aren't optional. They're essential.
Set Realistic Expectations
Before you head into the holiday season, get honest with yourself about what's actually possible.
You can't control how other people behave. You can't fix family dynamics that have been decades in the making. You can't make everyone happy.
What you can do is show up as your adult self, do your best, and let go of the rest.
Keep Up Your Basics (Sleep, Food, Movement)
When things get hectic, the basics are the first to go. But sleep, regular meals, and movement are what keep you stable when everything else feels chaotic.
Try to protect these as much as you can. Go to bed at a reasonable hour. Eat something that isn't just cookies and pie. Get outside for a walk. These things matter more than you think.
Have an Exit Strategy
If you're worried about a gathering becoming too much, plan your exit in advance.
Drive separately so you're not dependent on someone else's timeline. Have a believable reason to leave early if you need to. Give yourself permission to step outside, take a bathroom break, or leave altogether if things get overwhelming.
You're allowed to protect your peace.
Navigating Difficult Family Dynamics
Family gatherings can surface old patterns and uncomfortable moments. Here's how to navigate them.
What Do I Do If Family Pushes My Boundaries?
When family pushes back on a boundary you've set, it helps to remember that their discomfort with your boundary doesn't mean you have to abandon it.
You can hold the line kindly but firmly. "I know this is different from what you're used to, but this is what works for me." You don't owe anyone a lengthy explanation.
How Do I Handle Uncomfortable Conversations?
If someone brings up a topic you don't want to discuss, politics, relationships, your life choices, you can redirect.
Try: "I'd rather not get into that right now." Or, "Let's talk about something else." If they keep pushing, you can excuse yourself. You're not required to engage in conversations that feel bad.
When Is It Okay to Leave Early?
It's okay to leave early whenever you need to. You don't need permission. You don't need a dramatic reason.
If you're feeling overwhelmed, depleted, or like you've hit your limit, that's enough. "I need to head out, but thank you for having me" is a complete sentence.
When the Holidays Bring Up Grief or Loneliness
The holidays can be especially hard if you're dealing with loss or feeling isolated.
Acknowledging Loss During "Happy" Times
If you've lost someone or if the holidays remind you of what's missing, the forced cheerfulness of the season can feel particularly painful.
It's okay to not be okay during the holidays. It's okay to miss someone. It's okay to feel sad even when everyone around you seems festive. Grief doesn't take a holiday.
Finding Connection When You Feel Alone
If you're spending the holidays alone, that loneliness can feel magnified when the world seems focused on togetherness.
If you can, reach out. Connect with a friend, even virtually. Consider volunteering. Find community where you can. And if you need support, therapy can be a place to process those feelings.
How Therapy Can Help You Get Through the Season
If the holidays consistently feel overwhelming, therapy can give you tools and support.
Processing Family Stress in a Safe Space
Therapy offers a place to untangle the complicated feelings that come up around family. We can work through old dynamics, practice how you want to show up, and process what happens when you're home.
If anxiety spikes during the holidays, we can address that too.
Building Coping Skills That Last
The strategies you develop in therapy don't just help you survive this holiday season. They help you navigate stressful situations all year long.
Learning to set boundaries, manage anxiety, and take care of yourself are skills that extend far beyond the holidays.
Conclusion
Here's what I want you to remember: You don't have to love the holidays to get through them. You don't have to pretend everything is perfect. You don't have to meet everyone's expectations.
It's okay to find this hard. It's okay to do the holidays your way. It's okay to protect your peace, even if that disappoints someone.
The holidays are complicated. They can hold both joy and stress, hope and exhaustion, connection and tension. All of that can be true at once.
If you need support getting through, that's what I'm here for. I'm Ali Rodriguez, LMFT in Carmel. I work with clients in person here in Monterey County and online across California. If the holidays are bringing up stuff that feels too big to handle alone, let's talk.
You don't have to do this alone.